With the suicide rate being as high as it is and more and more people in the media talking about how they deal with depression. I would be remised if I didn’t share my story. Before I get into the details let me first say that yes, I know what the Bible says about depression, I know what the Lord says concerning me. Honestly, when I first came out to my parents about my feelings they made sure to remind me that because I was a Christian I had no need to be depressed. I went to the Bible and read how God would give me beauty for ashes. That he would heal set free and deliver, and I truly believe that he will and is consistently making a change in my life. But sometimes we have to realize that depression can be something that is hormonal, there can be a medical reason. You are not Crazy!
I encourage anyone who is dealing with depression to understand that you do not have to do it alone. It’s so important to have people in your corner who really care for you. Someone that you can trust and be transparent with. I’m so blessed to have friends in my corner who care about my wellbeing…. like they are really concerned about me. I also go to a church with amazing leaders who allow me to be transparent without judgment. Seek help! There are also counselors out there who you can see. Most jobs even have it set up where you can see someone for free. I know that in the African American household there’s this stigma that you should not go to a doctor about your feelings. Listen That is a lie. Talk to somebody!!!!
I also encourage you to find something that you love that can take your mind off how you are feeling. For me, that is music and writing. When I’m feeling down or upset I just throw some headphones in and start to write. I make a list of all the thoughts that are running through my head. It allows me to calm down and get myself together. So find something that you love that is a healthy outlet.
I hope that you were able to take something away from this. Remember…..Again you are not alone there are other people who may be going through what you are going through or worse. Don’t allow isolation to win! There are local resources that can help you cope with your feelings. Also, remember that God’s love surpasses anything that you have done. Don’t allow anything negative to consume you! Know that you are loved even if you feel like it you aren’t!
Now a little about my personal struggle with Depression.
I remember being about 19 years old. I was in a relationship with a man who I thought I was in love with. We were engaged and everything I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with him and everything. You know you plan your wedding in your head, you name your children before they are even conceived the whole nine. I drive to his parent house when I got off work only to be hit with an astounding request… Let’s make a baby. Me, being the outspoken person that I am simple replied “ No, I’m not ready” We ended up getting into a debate as to why I was not trying to get pregnant at that point. Even though we were haven sex, I made a promise to myself that I would not have a baby until marriage. I prayed on that thing (Trust me I know better now). The conversation ended with him basically telling me that I didn’t get pregnant he would find a girl who would. I laughed it off. I mean “I’m your fiancé you not going nowhere” was what I was thinking but we carried on with our evening. A few months later, we ended up breaking up. Why do you ask? He got another woman pregnant. I was devastated. This was my first love and my first heartbreak. Most people would say you know what let me take some time get it together. Not me, I handled my pain by wilding out. I was drinking, partying, having sex, smoking weed; anything, to get my mind off my real feelings. Sex became something I used as a drug. Something to mask the way I really felt about myself. All while getting up every Sunday and singing in the choir. I didn’t know any better at the time. I was just doing me. I tell you this to show you that depression doesn’t have to be you staying in bed crying all the time. It doesn’t have to be you not eating or sleeping. It can show itself in different ways. This was something I would never talk about in the past but healing allowed me to be able to verbalize this in an effort to be a help to someone else.
In closing, I wanted to post this to get the conversation started. You never know how your story may impact someone else. So comment below or head on over to my Facebook post. I love you all!! Be blessed!
** This post was also featured on The Millennial Discourse…. Make sure you check them out as well**